Review: Listen to the Marriage

Listen to the Marriage by John Jay Osborn Jr.
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Many thanks to Netgalley, Farrar, Straus and Giroux, and John Jay Osborn for an ARC in exchange for an honest review. My opinions are 100& my own and independent of receiving an advanced copy.

How much power, emotion, honesty, and truth can be packed into 256 pages? Quite a bit, if you are talking about “Listen To The Marriage”. What an incredible experience it was to be a fly on the wall, while Gretchen and Steve pore their hearts out to Sandy, their marriage councillor. I was completely caught up in their struggle, reading it all in one afternoon. I had been having a hard time, of late, trying to find a book to latch onto. Flitting from horror to magic to mystery, but nope, it was this little tiny gem about betrayal, growth and change that grabbed me. Once I started, I couldn’t put it down.

Gretchen and Steve are broken. So much so, that they are afraid they are headed for divorce. They find themselves in the office of Sandy, an unconventional marriage therapist. Can they pick up the pieces and put themselves together again? When they do, who will they be? Will they stay together or forge life ahead, apart? Told mostly through the therapist’s voice, we get a rare glimpse into what a marriage looks like, how what starts with love and hopes and dreams can get derailed into something so unrecognizable that you are driving straight into an abyss. Sandy is wise, patient and surprisingly non-judgemental for someone who can clearly see into these people’s motives. Both Gretchen and Steve have to do the work of breaking down walls and opening up about their feelings, in order to see what, if anything, is left between them. If you have ever sat in a therapist’s office, a lot of this will ring true. For example, Sandy always remains impartial, but damned if Gretchen doesn’t accuse her of secretly being on Steve’s side. Very typical, especially if your therapist is not always agreeing with you and maybe challenging you to grow.

If you are married, or have been married for a while, you will find something to relate to in Gretchen and Steve’s marriage. It takes you through all the mess that marriage can be. How you start out on a team and after some time goes by, without quite knowing how, you end up pitted against each other, just trying to keep your head above water and stop from losing yourself altogether. If you are lucky, you have healthy ways to communicate and respect each other’s boundaries. Sometimes, there is betrayal. Steve has an affair and Gretchen has to find a way to forgive him, regardless if they get back together. Once children are part of the picture, you are forever tied to one another.

I am still married. I related so much to this novel, it was a bit of a sob-fest for me. I completely understood Gretchen’s rage at how unfair it was that now that Steve had changed and became this self-aware, great father, someone else was going to get the benefit of all her hard work. I also recognized the pattern of speak that a couple can sometimes get into. You have the same conversation, over and over again, it almost writes itself. It is hard to break out of that without the help of someone from the outside. I thought the choice Osborn made to have the voice of the therapist narrate the novel brilliant, because how else can the reader stay impartial. It was a bit unrealistic how omnipotent she was with her clients. I doubt therapists are so in tune with their patients. If they were, no one would divorce. I recognized the desire to be “right” over the desire to try and fix things. How about saying something you don’t really mean because you are trying to cover up for how hurt you are.

There were a few unrealistic issues that did crop up other than Sandy being omnipotent. The couple never argued about money. Both were successful. I understood why the author made that choice. I’m going to assume it was because he could focus more on feelings but it rang a little false. Everyone argues about money, even people that have it. It also meant that it was easy for Gretchen to move out and find a place. Steve could jump from an apartment to this beautiful house without missing a beat. Finances bring a whole other dimension and host of problems to a divorce or separation and Osborn chose to ignore those in this situation. I think I understand why, but again, it was a little bell going off in the back of my head.

I was a little surprised that this was written by a man. I had no idea that a man could have so much insight into how a woman feels. The writing was really good. The pace of the novel moved quickly and, like I said, I couldn’t put it down. I had to know what happened. I was really rooting for them, even though I couldn’t see how that could happen after everything that had gone on up to this point. The cover is perfect and I love the symbolism of the green chair. At the end I was spent and completely satisfied. Don’t go looking for romantic gestures and fantasy dialogue in this novel. Only hard truths and raw emotion - the best that real life has to offer. But in the best way possible.

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